Greetings, or “What am I supposed to do with your hand?”

Anyone who’s ever left the States–hell, anyone who’s left a small hometown for a big city, or vice versa–knows that awkward squishy feeling of saying your how-do-you-do’s. Especially in a foreign culture, it’s a guessing game of non-verbals…a form of communication which itself is totally unreliable, because non-verbals are not universal. That cute little informal wave goodbye in America, the one where you fold your fingers down a few times, means, “Hey, come here” in much of East Africa.

It’s the handshakes that always get me. I have always found them very corporate, and I misjudge them every time. I might remember to grip vigorously–especially if it’s a man, and he’s in a nice suit–but I’ll forget to fortify my arm, and I wind up being wobbled about.

Handshakes are not like that in Rwanda, to say the least. There’s a national reprieve from shaking, actually; it’s more hand touching, the kind of contact that qualifies in the States as the derided “limp handshake.” But that’s what’s even weirder, for Americans: lingering contact with a… stranger.

I’ve noticed three categories of greetings: the extended hand-clasp, not so much a clasp really as a mutual habitation of the same hand-space while greetings are exchanged; the lower-arm clasp; and the full-on hug. (There’s also the three kisses for women, or touches of the head for men, but this, like paper money and bureaucracy, is a legacy of the Belgians.)

The arm-clasp is my favorite, because I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s like shaking hands but at the wrist level, or higher. I wondered if there was a hierarchy of greetings, if, say, the arm-clasp was for people who aren’t strangers, but aren’t friendly enough to hug. A Rwandan friend told me this is clever but completely wrong (see, “non-verbals are not universal.”). “It is,” she says, “like half a hug,” and easier to execute if there’s, say, a table in the way.

As for the hugging, another Rwandan woman told me, “It’s just our culture. We don’t feel we’ve properly said hello to you unless we’ve hugged you.”

I think Rwanda is going to work out okay for me.

2 Comments

  • Dagmagascar says:

    clever but completely wrong….hahaha. Brilliant. at least it’s not stupid and completely wrong.

  • Cousin Jim used to tease Matt into giving people “limpies” – the limp handshake. You go up to someone, speak firmly and graciously to them, make good eye contact, extend your hand… and then give them a “limpie”. Actually, I just burst out laughing thinking about it, remembering how Jim described and demonstrated his technique. I don’t recommend trying this in Rwanda, though…

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