My preferred felony

Let me tell you about the child I’d like to steal.

I can’t steal this one, though, not only because stealing babies is illegal, and very wrong, but also because I know his mom, and that would just be awkward.

This little story is a flashback to America, to my trip to California in January. And, to tantalize you past the jump in an uncharacteristically personal post, I’ve got a photo of a really cute kid.

Among the many lovely things I got to do and wonderful people I got to see is my old friend Suzanne. Er, she’s not old. I’ve just known her a long time. Like, since I was 12. We met on the internet.

I’m not even kidding.

Back before it was the internet–before they even had “www” (we spent a long time trying to remember what it was that you would type. As I write this, I seem to remember something about gophers. Does anyone else remember gopher:// ?)–we exchanged notes on a message board on Prodigy (this marks me as retro-cool, or if it doesn’t yet, I’m convinced it soon will) about…Anne of Green Gables (this undoes previous parenthetical phrase). I was a little freaked out when she told the story much more quickly than I am: “I’ve known Jina longer than I’ve known my husband.”

So meeting Colin, her two-and-a-half-year-old son, was not entirely unlike meeting a serious boyfriend’s parents: Will I be…liked? Will Suzanne think I’m good at Colin? Will Colin share Suzanne? Or will he just run screaming and crying when he sees this rather unfortunate haircut?

Turns out we got along pretty well, me and Coddin Sider, as he says. He showed me how to use a stamp that says “friend” in sign language. I showed him to make a small, contained area of the living room a frenzied pit of plastic golf balls, which we sent flying around like atoms. He asked me to “do tickles,” and I tried to oblige. Though Matt, his dad, definitely outshines me in tickling capacity.

This picture was taken right after I asked Colin if we could be friends, check yes no or maybe. He’s not quite ready for the note passing, as it turns out, but I think it was a yes. Later, I had to tell him I was leaving to go back to New York. I invited him to come along, and he readily agreed. Then he sat quietly for a minute and asked if he could bring Mommy (then three days or something from her due date!) with us. Sure. “And Daddy.” Okay, I said, though I knew I’d have to get a bigger apartment.

Suzanne told me that a few weeks later, Colin saw a picture of the Statute of Liberty. She told him it’s New York, and he said, “I go there.”

So if an adorable little blond boy appears on my front porch, will someone please watch him for me until I get back? Or let his mom know, here.